


Alone Enough

by tminuseternity



Category: Generation Kill
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 21:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8343799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tminuseternity/pseuds/tminuseternity
Summary: What happens after. Post-canon fic based off the prompt 'five times we were never alone, and one time we were.'





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks! I'm back, despite college's efforts to keep me away ;)
> 
> Based off the prompt in the summary from this post: http://shittyaus.tumblr.com/post/151532774713/submission-5-1-aus
> 
> As always, based entirely on the fictional HBO series. Key word: fiction.
> 
> Enjoy!

The cracking of bullets both distant and too close outside their sanctuary is background noise to Nate now. An unfortunate standard but one he’s gotten used to. Being here in this factory is a blessing, a scrap of shelter and safety, but it also gives Nate too much time to think when he’s on watch, and he has to keep his mind from drifting to everything he’s been a witness to.

 

When Ray drops to the ground next to him, Nate doesn’t tell him what he should—that Ray should be using this time to sleep. Truth be told it’s an unexpected comfort just to have someone else there. He’s not the only one awake of course, not the only one on watch, but right here it’s just him and his thoughts.

 

Nate remains vigilant in his watch as he waits for Ray to speak, and when he does his words seem entirely out of the blue, plucked from any number of memories running through Ray’s head.

 

“Do you remember your first all-nighter, sir? Mine was in the sixth grade because my asshole best friend bet that I couldn’t stay up and pass the geography test the next day.”

 

Ray pauses and when it lasts too long Nate knows that he won’t continue without prompting, so he says, still keeping his eyes on their surroundings, “Did you?”

 

When Ray still doesn’t continue, Nate glances at him. It’s almost pitch black, the only light coming from the moon, but Nate can see the sheepish look on Ray’s face. “I fell asleep halfway through the test. Put my head down behind the divider thing and just—” Ray makes a gesture as if to say, _and that was that._

 

A small smile pulls at Nate’s lips. “And what was the price besides failing the test?” He’s not overly curious about the anecdote but it’s a distraction that makes the last half hour of his watch bearable, even faster. And there’s something different about Ray tonight. Maybe it’s just exhaustion making her mark known in Ray, maybe it’s just Ray without the ripped fuel that Nate’s not supposed to know about. Either way Nate finds himself wanting to ask for both their sakes.

 

“I had to do his geography homework for an entire fucking week.” His bitter tone lightens at Nate’s soft huff of laughter. “But don’t you worry, sir, I had my revenge.”

 

“I have no doubt about it, Ray.”

 

A brief silence settles over them before Ray speaks again. “Certainly wasn’t my last shitty all-nighter.” He pauses, then, “I think I’m getting old.”

 

It’s not the words that speak volumes. Ray says anything and everything at the top of his mind which leads to parsing through the words for any significance, if there is one, but this isn't one of those times. Nate may not know Ray as well as some, as well as Brad, but he knows this much, and he gets the feeling he knows something Brad may not, no matter how small it seems on the surface. He understands what Ray’s not telling. He understands the tired tone, laced with disillusionment and something else Nate feels in his bones that he’s unsure how to name.

 

It’s here in the dark outside of an abandoned factory in a scarred Iraq that Nate knows Ray wants out as much as he does.

 

And yeah, Nate’s weary, jaded, and maybe he’s imagining something that’s not there, but his instincts have never led him wrong before.

 

Ray stands up just before Nate’s watch ends and Nate tells him to get some sleep. “You too, sir,” he yawns, disappearing back into the factory, and when Gunny comes to relieve him moments later, Nate does exactly that.

 

.

 

It’s good to be back on American soil. He’d rested for most of the flight, not fully sleeping, always maintaining some level of awareness.

 

Among all the families waiting for their arrival, Nate spots his parents waiting for him and allows himself to be pulled into the strong hugs only parents seem capable of when they’ve been concerned about their child for too long.

 

“We’re glad you’re home.”

 

“So am I,” Nate says, every weary bit of truth in his voice. He’s glad they don’t say they missed him. He knows they did but he doesn’t want to have to return the sentiment. He loves them, and his sister and brother who couldn’t be here, but he doesn’t think about them when he’s deployed, when all of him is focused on getting his platoon through their missions. It sounds harsh, but Nate knows they know this.

 

“Sir?”

 

He turns at the same time his parents do, looking to the intrusion of their little group.

 

“Ray.”

 

“Have a good leave, sir.”

 

“You too, Ray,” Nate says sincerely.

 

“Thank you, sir,” Ray says, nodding politely to Nate’s parents before weaving his way through the crowd.

 

“We’ve got two rooms booked,” his father says, drawing Nate’s attention back to them. “Nice ones.”

 

“That sounds great, dad.”

 

.

 

“I won’t be re-upping, sir.”

 

Despite the seemingly perpetual upbeat, go-with-it attitude Ray carries, Nate knows this must have been a hard decision for him. Ray’s the relief, the outlet for the platoon when they’re in the AO, even when they’re at home base. Nate’s not sure if the rest of the platoon see that value, but he does. Ray must have thought about this long and hard, leaving his platoon, leaving his best friend.

 

Nate nods. “I figured this was coming.” It’s not what he wants to say. He wants to say he knows how difficult the decision is, how he respects Ray’s choice. He wants to ask if Ray’s told Brad yet.

 

He wants to say _Neither will I_ but he shouldn’t.

 

“If you need anything let me know.”

 

“Thank you, sir.”

 

Ray leaves to head back to the rec room and for a moment, just a moment, Nate watches him walk away.

 

.

 

It’s not a Bravo Two reunion, not officially, but most of the platoon is here to celebrate Walt’s upcoming nuptials, and those who aren’t Bravo two have inserted themselves well enough into the group that it doesn’t make much of a difference anyway. Everyone is drunk or getting there, and Nate is definitely warmer than he should be after only two drinks.

 

“What’s the matter, sir? Getting soft in civilian life?” Ray teases, sliding another beer Nate’s way. There’s laughter from his former platoon, and a sneaky look in Ray’s eyes. Nate knows he hasn’t gotten over the fact that Nate got carded, none of them have.

 

“I thought those days were behind me,” he’d said after the laughing died down.

 

“They won’t be behind you until you’re old and grey, sir,” Ray had said cheerfully.

 

“I doubt I’ll be going to many bars when I’m old and grey.”

 

“Then enjoy it while you can.” Ray had grinned, clinked his beer to Nate’s, and drank like a man trying to get drunk.

 

Now with three beers down, Nate is loose-limbed and relaxed, and significantly less coordinated, which is the only possible reason for his hand ending up on Ray’s thigh. There’s no indication on Ray’s face that he’s noticed, and no one else has for the table blocking the view.

 

It takes Nate a few moments of processing through the fog of alcohol to think about moving his hand, but when he does Ray’s own prevents it from leaving. Ray’s still drinking, still laughing, smiling.

 

Ray squeezes his hand and lets go.

 

.

 

“Sir? Will you dance with me?”

 

The banquet room isn’t quiet by any means, but silence is all Nate notices as the conversation dies around him, everyone staring at Ray, at Ray staring at him in askance.

 

Nate means to say a lot of things. _I think I’ve had too much to drink, I’m a terrible dancer, No thanks_ , but all that comes out of his mouth is—

 

“Sure.”

 

It sounds too eager to his own ears, and for once he’s grateful that his cheeks are already pink from the alcohol. His answer surprises everyone else at the table. It surprises _himself_  but Ray takes his hand and leads him to the dance floor before he can regret his answer.

 

_Maybe I really have had too much to drink._

 

The song currently playing is some synth beat that sounds straight out of the eighties. Plenty of other people are dancing including Walt and his bride circulating through various family members as they find a spot on the dance floor.

 

“I should warn you I’m not a great dancer,” Nate says, bending to Ray’s ear to be heard.

 

“You don’t need to be,” Ray says, and takes both of Nate’s hands and begins moving them to the music. It’s not the waltz but it’s easy enough and the song has a good rhythm so Nate moves in sync with Ray, keeping his eyes on Ray.

 

He’s drunk enough to like the flush on Ray’s cheeks, the way Ray’s hands feel clasped in his. He’s drunk enough to admit to himself that he’d like these things even if he wasn’t drunk. It’s a slippery slope but if he’s being honest he’s been at the bottom for a while now.

 

It was easy to deny his attraction in the corps where it wasn’t allowed but now that they’re both out it’s a notion that’s impossible to get rid of. Since leaving they’ve communicated through phone calls and emails and now they’re sharing the same space, breathing the same air and everything Nate’s feeling is boiling under the surface, rushing over crumbling walls because really, _why not?_

 

_Why not?_

 

“You’re not so bad, sir,” Ray murmurs, somehow still audible over the music. Somewhere between Nate’s thoughts Ray’s hand ended up on his waist, his own on Ray’s shoulder, the music slowed.

 

A few years ago, he never would have pictured himself dancing with Ray. That thought alone is enough to make it feel as though there are eyes watching him, but he firmly decides he’s having too much fun to care.

 

“Wanna try a spin?” Ray asks, then says, “Yes, let’s do a spin, come on,” before Nate can even answer.

 

Which, no. He’s too intoxicated, afraid if he spins he’ll fall over, but he can’t seem to deny Ray anything tonight.

 

So they spin, awkward and sloppy and still not sure who’s leading, and Nate laughs harder than he thinks he’s laughed all year.

 

.

 

Nate’s heart does a flip in his chest when he hears Ray’s voice through the apartment intercom.

 

“I know this is totally out of the blue and yeah, I probably should’ve warned you and all but it was a sudden thing, you know?”

 

“It was a sudden thing to visit me on the other side of the country?” Nate inquires, but he’s glad Ray is here. “Come up.”

 

He waits in front of the door like a statue, wondering what Ray’s going to say.

 

He’s pretty sure Ray walked him to his hotel room after the wedding reception. He’s pretty sure Ray’s eyes had lingered before he left. Hopefully. He isn’t assured of anything anymore when it comes to Ray but he’s here now, three weeks later, so that’s all Nate needs.

 

“Okay, well obviously it wasn’t sudden,” Ray starts once Nate lets him in. He drops a backpack on the floor like he intends to stay and doesn’t quite look Nate in the eyes. Nate wonders what he sees in the small apartment, what catches his eye.

 

“But I feel like I missed an opportunity and if I’m not wrong there’s you and me and something between us and—”

 

Nate cuts him off. “Ray?”

 

He finally looks Nate in the eyes, every colour and shadow on his face, in his irises, reflecting the exact same things Nate wants.

 

“Shut up,” Nate breathes, and to make sure he does, to make sure the something between them turns into nothing between them, Nate steps in close and kisses Ray, and it’s all he’s wanted for so long. It’s a desperate question, too hard, too much, not enough, and it receives an answer just as fierce, as wanting.

 

When they pull apart, Ray says, breath hot on Nate’s lips less than an inch away, “Yeah.”

 

Nate kisses him again. Talk is good, he knows the value of communication and they will need to talk about this, but right now Nate doesn’t want to talk, and when he pushes off Ray’s jacket, undoes the button on his jeans, Ray doesn’t seem too attached to the idea either.

 

-

 

When Nate wakes up the next morning, warm and rested, Ray still asleep next to him and drooling on the pillow, he attempts to recall a time in his life he’s ever been so happy.

 

No other moment comes to mind.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, kinda random. This was just a short little fic I wrote in 2 days, didn't want to take it too seriously. In my mind there's scenes after this and continuations but I can't commit to that right now so a one shot it will be until further notice.
> 
> If you notice any grammar/spelling errors, feel free to let me know.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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